620 Don’t Piss Me Off!

Boring at work. Because system slow. Just because one of my colleague is calling report and my system stuck.

But we cannot don’t call report too, because is month end. Everyone is doing report. I have to rush to close all the invoice and is my turn to do the report. But this system totally is suck, every time also stuck because of colleagues calling report. I work those company that have own system one doesn’t have this type o problem one lo.

Don’t know is because too much data or what.

Today, love went to do SAI KANG! And kept on complaining to me tired. What can I do? I cannot do anything at all. Is he himself agreed with the SAI KANG one. I never force him to do this type of stupid SAI KANG.

They let him eat disgusting stuffs. I was like what is that stupid idea to do such disgusting stuffs. No choice, he want to take the SAI KANG, I also don’t want to care. Is none of my business too. I only know they take up my love time for me. And he resting time.

Is not that I’m heartless or what, but this is really a SAI KANG that I won’t anyhow pick up. I don’t think so that it worth wasting my time, I rather spend the time with him then spending the time doing all the embarrass stuff, no matter what is still SAI KANG.

I fuck care that who will see my blog. What I wrote on facebook, I’m already kind enough not to state anyone names on it. So if people want to sit at the place is none of my business. Same goes to th blog of MINE! This blog is MINE, CYNTHIA NG, what I want to say here is my business. None of yours business. If you want to care what I wrote here then is your business, because I don’t fucking give a damn to it.

I believe everything happens for a reason. So it does have a reason why I’m so pissed off.

I think all my friends know who I am. If anyone does continue to step on my tail, they know how nasty I can be. How bitch I can be. I gave in doesn’t mean that I’m okay with everything. Is just that I doesn’t want to be nasty. I don’t fucking give a damn whether you are my relative or you are who.

I can be very kind to people. Just not take my kindness advantages. Because once I become nasty bitch, you will never gonna be the one that I will smile and talk to.

Simple right? Even you are elder than me, no mercy is going to show too. I only respect my parents and my sisters, the rest I’m very sorry that I won’t show any mercy at all. Don’t have to say those that are younger than me. I don’t even need to respect you. But I do respect you as a human. Everyone has their own human rights. So I respect you as a human.

Wonderful Cynthia. You did a good job.

ciao!

619 Back!

I know I should post more frequently, but sometimes I doesn’t know what to write. I have a lot of things that I want to say, but I doesn’t know how to phrase it. 

Yeah, today is Sunday, and I’m doing nothing at home. Carefree life. I like it. 

Nothing more to say. Work is good, relationship wise, not very good. This is what I can say now. 

Still same, because of small matters and quarrel, is it all couple do it? I don’t know. I just feel that, holding on is tough. Only one person working so hard toward, is totally tired. I don’t know what else I can say. Maybe I just need to work harder in everything. 

No matter how tired I’m going to be, I will still be working hard in everything I want. 

ciao!

618 I Believe

Do believe, don’t let people be your first choice, when you ain’t their first choice. And don’t compare yourself especially with their family. The most saddening part is, you don’t and can’t be compare with their friends. Because you ain’t the first choice, so believe you won’t be their second too. If family come first, and don’t ever think that you will be the second. Just one matter regard friends, you will know where you stand in them. Just someone that can’t be compare with friends.

When you put every single thing away, just for them, they just won’t appreciate what you have done. When you start to think what have you done in the first quarter of the year, and you will found out nothing, because everything you had is them.

They will start to complain you doesn’t give them space, you doesn’t let them have their own time. Saying you start to paranoid, possessive, all bad things will come out.

Women, might be silly, foolish, but men will never know, women act to be silly and act to be foolish, just to let themselves to have a better life, women sacrifices themselves to fulfill mens’ ego.

Women, don’t be silly, “whenever your want to show your care and concern or kindness, have to through others agree.”

Smart women will understand the last sentence up there. But still they understand but they won’t listen. This is how stubborn and persistent women are.

Women with persistent thinking, will always thought that they will reap what they sow, will still sacrifices time with friend for them. Men will never and can’t do the same as women. And most importantly, they never get to understand why women can do it.

ciao!

617 Hello World!

What a long time that I didn’t post a post in English. Those posts in Chinese is just some post I think that is wonderful and meaningful, with some edit from me, and so I post it up. Some irrelevant to my life, some are.

I’m fine for all these months. Nothing much have to be worried about. Working life is better than ever. I kind of love the working environment, although my colleagues are way more elderly than me, and all having a family. Seriously isn’t that great. This means that I doesn’t have to socialize much, because after work, everyone will be like rushing home for their family. I know it will be boring, but I like, I doesn’t need to act like I’m happy going out. I love to stay at home after work to rest seriously, but work really tired me inside out. I know I’m losing connection with everyone, but it doesn’t really matter much to me. What I need to think is work for my future.

Some times, or somehow, everyone tend to take people for granted, you can’t stop you can’t do anything at all. Karma will falls? No, karma won’t falls. The only thing you can do is strive better than the one.

Mom is out for some dinner at don’t know what hotel, so she’s not back yet. There’s only left me and Dad at home. Sis went to a overseas trip for her birthday. And I’m in my room blogging, Dad is doing some house chore. Was wondering, in the future, when I’m not living here anymore, how lonely will my parents be? I don’t feel the quiet, when I’m alone at home. Instead, I love the quiet and peace at home alone. But I do feel the quiet now. I doesn’t know why I feel sadness for it now. I know that I will definitely leaving this home I love to be in. But just sadness cannot be overcome. And thinking this will be the home when I’m no longer here. So damn quiet. Looking at Dad from the back, without Mom around him. I don’t like it. Looking at Mom from the back, without Dad around her, I felt the same too. And looking at Dad and Mom from the back, I just can’t imagine my life without them.

Me and love made a very big decision recently. We are waiting for the time to reach now. Can’t wait for that seriously. See the contradiction in me? I can’t bear this and that. But in another hand, I have to do this and that. Won’t be saying anything about the decision we had made. Only my close ones know about it. So if you are the close ones reading this. You know what I’m talking about.

My company is moving in months time. Location is not yet confirm, but news is that, it will be far away from my house. Not that far till the east, I think is north side. No more free rides from love to work. Because he said that, is so far. Very sad. Tomorrow is Saturday, means not working. Relief? Yes, very relief. Not that I’m unhappy with my work. Just that finally I get a rest after a week.

Overall, I’m a super happy kid right at this moment. And I believe love will make me even happier kid! Right love?

ciao!

OH YA! Almost forgotten!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SISTER, JOANNE NG! 

May all your wishes come true!

616 胡思亂想日記

在我心裡住了一個悲觀的我, 原來我是悲觀的. 想一個人出去走走, 到一個沒有人認識我的地方, 好好的放鬆自己, 好好的做回原來的我. 現在我好壓抑, 每天都要做大家喜歡的模樣. 要做得很合群, 很親切. 其實我一點也不親切, 一點都不合群. 可是還是要帶著微笑面對所有的人.

我想做原來的我, 想笑就笑, 想哭就哭, 想說話就說, 想不理就不理. 原來想做自己這個簡單的夢想, 現在的我不能完成, 變得是一個遙不可及的夢想. 我一直都在做大家想要我是一個怎樣的人. 大家要我是一個脾氣好的人, 我也盡量的把我的壞脾氣收起來. 大家要我是個合群的人, 我也盡量的合群, 不管是不是我認識, 我都儘全力的合群, 儘全力的和他們說笑.

這樣讓我覺得我好像迷失了自己, 忘了原來的我是怎樣的人. 或許現在的我朋友多了, 比以前好說話了. 可是有多少朋友, 能和我談心, 能讓我做我自己呢? 把從前想了一遍, 就算他們給了我全世界, 可是我還是一無所有.

可能我累了. 因為我發現不管我對朋友多麼的好, 他們不一定會對我像我對他們那麼的好. 我知道不能求有回報. 不過待遇也未免差太多了吧. 我記得每個朋友的生日, 也不惜一切的為他們企劃慶祝, 不過我的生日呢? 沒有完美企劃. 或許說我是個完美主義者吧. 而他們不是吧. 或許他們現在都在我身後說我的不是. 我不會理睬, 因為我還是快樂的過我的人生.

人生嗎, 不是都有起起落落的嗎?

我也不能做回我自己了, 因為我也不記得怎麼刁蠻任性了. 我只想不被打擾, 假裝多好, 我只想我只要再刁蠻任性一次. 反正也找不回自己了, 就這樣吧. 反正我最親密的人, 也不會忍受我的刁蠻任性.

615 胡思亂想日記

我只能憑著我記得你在我身邊的感覺, 我只能憑著我記得你身上的味道. 我只能用這些事與物來讓我感覺好一些, 不過思念卻變得大於所有我們在一起的時間了.

我也只能思念再思念, 想念再想念. 思念和想念是一個很可怕的東西. 應為它是不會停止的, 除非你不愛了, 不再理了, 不在乎了, 那個他以不在你心裡了. 它就會停止. 我的他我還愛著他, 很愛他.

希望我的他能了解, 我愛他, 我想他, 於及非常思念他.

I love you always, and I miss you too!!

614 胡思亂想日記

你說你缺氧, 我給你你要的氧氣. 那就是空間. 我不會咄咄逼人, 不會給你太多的氧氣. 那就是說要給你空間. 我一直希望你快樂. 你的笑容是我想要的. 希望你是充滿快樂, 而不是苦惱與不開心.

613 胡思乱想日记

爱情是两个人的事, 那因为爱才结婚, 为什么就不是两个人的事了呢? 变成了一个无形的压力. 心里总想着你会珍惜我所做的一切, 可是每到家人的部分, 我所做的一切就变得无形. 我希望我所做的一切你会懂, 你也会了解. 哭泣变成了我的习惯. 你说等到我的家人遇到了我就会了解, 其实你现在遇到的事我已经经历了很多遍. 我的伤心和眼泪流过了. 不过在你身边我直想抛开一切, 开开心心的享受和你在一起的时间. 人也许要量力而为. 不要要求太多, 因为这样会失望越大. 我学会了, 不要奢望, 不要期待, 不要要求, 不要想. 现在的我直想平平淡淡的过我的生活. 平平淡淡的.

我想要一个平淡的爱情, 简单的家人. 直想要爱我, 疼我的人. 把我视为自己的家人的未来家人.

612 胡思乱想日记

有时候突然就不想工作了, 有时候会突然想要和几杯, 有时候会想要独自旅行, 有时候就想结婚了… 我们的脑子里有那么多的念头, 可是仅仅只是想想而已. 或许我们真的需要一些勇气, 为一些突然蹦出的念头而尝试一下, 它会带给你惊喜.

你还是不能了解我对你默默的爱. 你也应该还是记着我那时的不告而别, 你或许还在记恨着. 我不会怨你. 你永远都不会知道这是我心里的刺, 永远都会是. 你变了我不会怨你, 我只怨我自己. 我心里有太多的顾虑, 你不知道的顾虑.

 

611 胡思乱想日记

每个人都有自己的经历, 你也有, 我也有, 我们再遇见对方之前, 自己都有大大小小的经历, 过去没有办法改变, 也因为过去变成了现在的你和我. 我们遇见, 相爱, 我们能改变的只有将来. 现在的每一刻都决定着将来, 将来的每一刻都在我们一起努力的现在的手心里.

如果我的未来有你在, 那其他的什么我都不怕了. 你是我的定心丸. 只要仰望着星空, 仿佛看见了我们的未来, 世界就会变得好大好大.